Family estrangements in later life: Understand impacts and support well-being by Karl Pillemer, PhD

Professionals who work with older people often need to understand available sources of family support. They may try to identify a “responsible relative” in the event that assistance is required. In developing a rehabilitation plan after a hospitalization, specialists wish to ascertain who might help an individual get to appointments or follow a therapeutic routine. When they learn a client has, say, two daughters who live nearby, they may feel reassured the person’s support needs will be met. But in discussing these issues with the client, they sometimes encounter a strange reticence. The client may not wish to discuss her children in detail and appears uncomfortable when asked in depth about them. Or he may say something like, “Oh, we don’t talk to them very much,” or “Well, we’ve had a few problems there.” The conversation stops, leaving the impression those offspring will nevertheless be available if needed. A hidden and often devasting situation can invalidate this assumption, however: The older person may be estranged from children or other relatives.